I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
