What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
