I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
