new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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