im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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