I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize