TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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