I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
