If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
