I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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