Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
