I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize