Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
