I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
