worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize