Will you blow on my dice?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
