Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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