GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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