She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
