I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
