Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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