In the future we'll all be gay
Just cropdusted the office
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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