is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
