I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
