I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
