Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
