At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i think i just lost a toe
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize