i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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