I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
