You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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