My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
