I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
