I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
