its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
