i permit you to call me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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