Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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