All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
