HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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