apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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