On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
