I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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