I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize