I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
