beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
