I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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