So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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