She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
