Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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