So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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