Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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