do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
