I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
