I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
