Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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