i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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