I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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