So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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