Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
