and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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