wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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