I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
