It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
