now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
