Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
