My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hippo gnu deer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
