It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
