I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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