well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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