Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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